It's been such an emotional roller coaster ride lately.
Last month I've been having such a battle with the thoughts of not being enough - Not being enough for myself, my family, my work, my 'future spouse' etc. In general just the feeling of incompleteness.
In my head I do know that I have everything and I am enough in every way. Being hurt so deeply, I realised that I have forgotten the fact that I actually am truly enough by just being me.
How do you start building a stronger person? When you feel like all of you is scattered on the floor and you just won't let anyone touch those pieces, because you are afraid that even the small pieces that are left will break. But then what if? What if from those scattered pieces will build up to something even better than the one before. Something way more courageous.
Maybe that is the point. Maybe God wanted to break me in a way that He could rebuild me. I have not been near Him in a long time, and I guess maybe He got tired of me running away and trying to hide.
During the worst part of the breakup there was something my mom said that was most comforting - First God sent Saul. He was everything that people wanted, handsome and kinglike. BUT, he was not enough for God. Saul failed his duty as a king. But then came David who first was nobody in the eyes of the people but God saw into his heart and saw that he had the heart of a king. In time he became the most powerful king of all and most loved by God.
Now I realised, it basically symbolises also the 'future spouse’, but also me. The old me has been run down from the throne, so that the small child-like 'shepherd' can step to her own place and be the most courageous and most loved by Him.
Throughout this rebuilding of my own character I've noticed how incredibly beautiful friends I've got around me. Even if there are worst days, there are friends who keep me pushing towards the light and making me believe in better days.
Greater things have yet to come. Greater things have still to be done.