Judas To My Self

 Today I realized how much of an Judas I've been to myself after the break-up. 

I went to see the most incredible dance show, 'Rock The Ballet' with my fabulous friend. Half way through I was in complete tears. First of all there was a most talented couple dancing a story about a struggle in a relationship to the song 'With Or Without You' by U2. I could so deeply identify with the story, I could so feel the enormous pain and the struggle they had. In a strange way I felt like it was me on that stage dancing, except my love story unfortunately did not have as happy ending as theirs. 

And then it just hit me, I have been in too much pain to do the thing I love the most, DANCING. I have not danced basically at all after he left me. Something that has been a leading - and most powerful tool in my life suddenly got kissed on the cheek and betrayed. Something that is an USB-wire between my head and heart got cut. 

I have been lying to my self that, how dancing will not be something that heals, in a way it will also betray me and break me. Maybe the fact that someone that I have been trusting with all my heart and soul, is no longer trustworthy, has wounded the train of thought between me and dancing. Because dancing is something that I have had a similar 'relationship' with. It is something that I can always trust with my mind, body and soul. Also it is my way of connecting with The Almighty. 

It felt like a knife in the heart to realize the fact that my body and soul and dancing has been neglected by no other than myself in a way that is most harmful to me in every way possible. And from this day on, I PROMISE my self that I will not let these acid lies control the love for dancing that I have. 

It stops me to think, what other kind of sickening lies do we let in our lives? Do we let lies control the things we actually love doing? 

This week is good week to try and explore the truth. 

Have a good one,

-Fanni