What are you suppose to feel when someone that you trust and love the most in this world suddenly abandons you. I guess, shattered in pieces might be the right way to put it. That is at least how I felt it. What to think when someone that you absolutely love more than this life, someone who helped you to come out from depression and eating disorder and made you feel worthy of living, leaves you? It makes you wonder if all of the things you learned through him are complete lie?
What to do when everything reminds you of him? The views you see, the smells of perfumes, peoples way of walking and being, music that i hear, smiles and laughter people have on their faces, movies they show in the tv, even the way you have your mindset. There is no longer 'us'. How heartbreaking it is to re-think your future. How the future for a moment looks empty and meaningless.
I guess I have 2 directions to choose from.
I can choose to be depressed and feel worthless again. I can choose to never be able to love again. I can choose to never look at another man without feeling hurt. I can choose never to let anyone to come close to me. I can choose to be broken and never let anyone come near and fix me.
I can choose to become a stronger woman. I can choose to know my worth and hold my head up high. I can choose to be vulnerable, but let God build me up again. I can choose to open my heart to 'the one' The Almighty has one day planned for me. I choose to think that I deserve so much more. I can choose to feel true happiness once again.
Anyhow, the question I ask myself and those who has lived through this kind of pain, Can you truly believe in love after love? (question inspired by Cher.)
How long does it take to trust another person again as deeply as the one who you loved the most?